Ok so the next reason I havent been on lately is just as personal as the first. I have been noticing so many people dying around me and it scares me. I want to live a full life but I have had this feeling that I am going to die early in some tragic way ever since I can remember. technically all death is tragic though. Anyway, all the deaths that Ive been seeing have truly affected me and gotten me thinking so much about life and how important it is. Its got me to the point were I really feel the need to be the perfect friend and son, brother and overall person because I get one shot at each. I know this is unreasonable but emotions are emotions. And the emotions I have towards me dying early only scare me more. The sad thing is that almost all the people who have died lately have died from cancer. I CANNOT STAND THAT WORD! It makes me so sad to hear when people are diagnosed with cancer and I cant help them. I think to myself if I will ever get it and if thats the way Im gonna go. I never want to die painfully but I fell like thats how its going to end up being. Im just glad I have the friends that would support me and ecourage me if that was to happen. Im just not sure if theyd do the same if I came out. Does that make them true friends? I guess only putting it into practice will tell.
So one of the people that I have been most affected by who has cancer is my uncle. He was just recently diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. He feels fine now and his body is staying minorly strong but I know that once the cancer gets stronger he wont have much time. I just wish I couldve spent more time with him. Hes the one who taught me how to fight and be strong no matter what. He is one of the strongest people I know. I will forever look up to him and I will always love him. I just hope I can visit him before it gets worse. Another person I am affected by who has cancer is the blogger AJ. I began reading his blog by about the 5th post and I have been obssessed ever since. He seems like such a fun guy and Im glad he got to meet K. K seems amazing too. They are great bloggers and tell their life stories in such a great way that I will always have a place for them in my heart. However, AJ getting diagnosed with cancer has shocked me and has caused me to really cherrish life and I want to thank him for that - so thank you so much AJ.
Yea I kinda reread this post Im definitely odd lol Im so freakin paranoid at times but il let you know why in the next post. c ya till then... dun dun dun
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