Return of Me Part 1

Ok so I havent posted in a while so this is why. Not like I have many followers anyways but I just have to get this stuff off my chest. I will be posting this in three parts. Part 1 is this. I have so many things going on in my life right now. I want to first start off by saying that I should be grateful for everything that has been given to me and all that I'm blessed with but honestly its hard to see it that way. I've been living a life so two-faced and deciectful that I should be disgusted, but Im not. And I wish I did but at times I just dont have a heart. So why have I been so two-faced? I am supposed to be a Christian and live a life of truth but I have been ignoring the truth to who I really am. I may come off as straight but I am bi. This is something that no one knows of except one of my friends and the only reason she knows was because I told her after she came out of the closet to me. I was so afraid to come out even on the net and thats where I can be whoever I want. So why haven't I came out? Because Im afraid that people will judge me or my relationships with friends wil change dramatically. People arent always as accepting as we want them to be. Thats whu I try to be as open-minded as possible. Living a life as someone youre not can be so discouraging and such a burden that it will eventually lead to something severe happening in the long run. Let it be a stress induced body pain, or a type of depression, or going mentally ill, to suicide.

Life can suck sometimes but we only get one shot so why waste it? I think people hear this a lot and it just becomes sort of cliche and just gets blown over but if you really start to think about it, hard, it can be very deep. A good way to live your life is to treat people as if today was there last and live your life as if it was your last day too. This is something I am trying to work on.

So yes I am bi but I just cant seem to find the strength to come out. Its mainly because Im content with  the way the social part of my life is and this would completely tear it all up. wow im insecure lol. So say I did come out to my parents... they would probably be shocked then confused then theyd talk about it with eachother before bringing me in to probably have a LONG discussion. My parents (especially my dad) are very professional about things. And for me to come out would allow them to have a lot of Q&A's lined up. Now I dont have the best connection to my parents because I keep things bottled up (thats what being shy does to you). I would love to tell them but I will have to wait for the right time. I hate having to keep all of this in me but I need more time and confidence. Boy do I wish life was easier. It would be so much better if I was straight, but Im not so I have to deal with who I really am. 

I quickly want to add that I am also returning because Ive been watching how many people are leaving the blogging world and I felt kinda in the dumps so I decided to jump into the game. I am in no way trying to take any of their places because I am waaay less of a blogger than they are. They are amazing at what they do. But I simply wanted to give people something to read while they asses themselves and take that sabbatical. well i'll c ya latuh. pyce