Ok so the next reason I havent been on lately is just as personal as the first. I have been noticing so many people dying around me and it scares me. I want to live a full life but I have had this feeling that I am going to die early in some tragic way ever since I can remember. technically all death is tragic though. Anyway, all the deaths that Ive been seeing have truly affected me and gotten me thinking so much about life and how important it is. Its got me to the point were I really feel the need to be the perfect friend and son, brother and overall person because I get one shot at each. I know this is unreasonable but emotions are emotions. And the emotions I have towards me dying early only scare me more. The sad thing is that almost all the people who have died lately have died from cancer. I CANNOT STAND THAT WORD! It makes me so sad to hear when people are diagnosed with cancer and I cant help them. I think to myself if I will ever get it and if thats the way Im gonna go. I never want to die painfully but I fell like thats how its going to end up being. Im just glad I have the friends that would support me and ecourage me if that was to happen. Im just not sure if theyd do the same if I came out. Does that make them true friends? I guess only putting it into practice will tell.
So one of the people that I have been most affected by who has cancer is my uncle. He was just recently diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. He feels fine now and his body is staying minorly strong but I know that once the cancer gets stronger he wont have much time. I just wish I couldve spent more time with him. Hes the one who taught me how to fight and be strong no matter what. He is one of the strongest people I know. I will forever look up to him and I will always love him. I just hope I can visit him before it gets worse. Another person I am affected by who has cancer is the blogger AJ. I began reading his blog by about the 5th post and I have been obssessed ever since. He seems like such a fun guy and Im glad he got to meet K. K seems amazing too. They are great bloggers and tell their life stories in such a great way that I will always have a place for them in my heart. However, AJ getting diagnosed with cancer has shocked me and has caused me to really cherrish life and I want to thank him for that - so thank you so much AJ.
Yea I kinda reread this post Im definitely odd lol Im so freakin paranoid at times but il let you know why in the next post. c ya till then... dun dun dun
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4 comments:
I agree that cancer is one of the most frightening things because folk don't know if they'll be next. You can't see it coming until it is pretty much a fact.
And, yes - of course we should all spend as much time as we can with those we love and/or admire before they become incapable. It is also very sad when a younger person gets cancer. It's scary. 'There but for the grace of God go I' as the old saying has it.
Yes, we can all get scared.
But how does that help those who have cancer? I remember a similar situation among my own friends a while back when everyone around me seemed to be dying of HIV AIDS.
Again, nobody had seen it coming. Nobody, back them, had warned people. And the anti-viral drugs were not then available.
Now, of course, they are available - if you or your Health Care system can afford them.
God help all those in Africa and elsewhere who are dying without the paliative effect of the drugs known to us.
If you would like to have simpathy for other people just a little further outside your little group, then find out about HIV AIDS and what it's doing to the straight and gay community world wide.
Oh and I, for one, daren't treat folk as though it's their last day on earth - I would tell some of them what I really thought of them! Sorry.
Your reactions and feelings sound pretty normal to me.
Of course, you don't have to really be perfect — that would be putting an impossible burden on yourself. But it is good to try to be helpful and considerate. You've got a lot to deal with. Don't feel you have to carry the world on your shoulders, and don't be too hard on yourself for not being able to do everything you'd like to, or for occasionally failing to live up to your expectations.
God bless you and all those you care about.
I'm very sorry to hear about your Uncle - its a terrible thing to have to deal with, for anyone. Do go out of your way to make sure you get the time to visit him, so that you can share your love and companionship.
*more hugs*
Sorry to hear about your uncle. I'm glad you're gonna be blogging again, hugs.
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