So here's why. I have all the symptoms of a brain tumor, but no tumor. My nuerologist doesnt know whats wrong and hes one of the smartest people Ive met. Because of my brain I became dysfunctional at times. I cant concentrate druring scholl and socially I have become more awkward. I have develpoed a slight stutter, a lisp (both sporadically so not too often) and whenever I hear someone with a speech impediment I begin to pick it up too for however long i spend time with them. It can be funny at times though but ill tell you that story later. So this causes me to almost never want to speak and when I do want to it doesnt come out how I want it to. I went from class clown to the quite, wierd, n sometimes funny kid. I still have all my friends (popularity sucks btw) but I just cant talk to them as well as I used to. And its not that I dont want to its just that I have nothing to say... ever. But on aim or email its different. Idk why though. My mind goes blank when its just me and someone wlse. I wish I could be more normal again. All the things in my brain have happened over the past year.
Ok quick story before I move on. So one of my friends moved up here from Texas and he pronounces all of his "s's" as "sh's". Like "promish, or cryshtal" lol its the funniest thing and I would always joke about it with him and mimic him until one day I said "Can I have shome of that." I thought to myself... o crap, you did not just say that lol. And every one in a while I say words with sh's but I get a good laugh out of it lol I wonder if I moved to another country would it b easy for me to pick up there accents because I am really good at doing accents. alrighty back to venting lol
The fourth one is just focused on my brother, J. He is a very talented, smart, and funny kid (or man, he just turned 18). I look up to him on lot of things and give him respect for what he can do. He once made my whole school die in laughter by improving at out school talent show. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen lol He is very well known and people look for him to get a good laugh. But thats not the brother I see at home and Im worried for him. At home he just roams the house and plays his guitar. He almost never talks to any of us (my family) anymore and looks as if hes in chronic depression.
Just last week my mom and him were watching tv and all of a sudden he starts crying. My mom asked him what was going on in his life and tried helping him but he didnt tell her anything about it. After she picked me up from church, she started crying and told me the whole story followed by a "Can you talk to your brother because he wont tell me why hes been so down... please." I felt so bad I had the urge to cry and then mopped around my house because I just didnt want another thing on my plate. I wish life was as simple as when we were young. No responsibility and your actions are not taken heavily, life is almost care free and a breath of fresh air. Too bad reality is real. Too bad lifes a rollercoaster.
O n as im typing this I have a realllllly sore throat *cough cough* so *cough* I may not be *cough* posting for a *cought* bit. It reallllllllly hurts a lot, like a lot a lot. k well ill c ya latuh. pyce
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4 comments:
That's a lot to deal with at your age.
Try to realize that it's not your job to make it all better. Mostly you need to get through it. If you can get your brother to open up, that will be great, but ultimately, you can't force him to, so if he won't tell you anything, that's his doing, not yours.
And for your symptoms, it's the doctors' job to figure it all out. I hope they can do it soon and come up with an effective treatment that isn't too unpleasant.
But please keep in touch. I care about you and want to know how you're doing, so I can encourage you if things aren't going well, and congratulate you when they do go well.
*hugs*
Part 1 sounds way disturbing, the rest is judt what I call life. :-) Prpz Pilgrim ...mind if I follow, if ya post more often?!
My honest, deep down, reaction to everything you've written in the three parts so far is that you need to 'get a life'.
I think you're spending far too much time worrying - about yourself, your health, how others see you - and other people - your brother, how the guys at school react to you.
You've also voiced concerns about how your religion rebounds on the rest of your life and you worry about your sexuality. Everything seems to be of concern.
As Pilgrim says, much of it is what we all go through as we grow up. Your Bro. is prob. going through his own version of it too.
You need to shove much of it to one side and concentrate on listening and asking qustions of folk you don't normally talk to: outside your skool, family, church, local scene - it's wot many guys need to make sense of things.
A completely outside view who can help you rationalise all these fears and concerns you have.
I think you need a completely fresh sounding board and mentor to help you get a sense of perspective about life and to re-prioritise things.
Oh and by the way - it is quite easy for most of us to 'think' ourselves into all sorts of illnesses.
It's the opposite side of the same skill which helps many people be brave and positive when there really are things going wrong medically.
If there are no physical causes for your symptoms (and I'm assuming your doctor has sent you for the usual tests and CT scan and MRI and so forth??) - then perhaps you can look towards psychological causes? I'm not saying you're nuts LOL. But stress, depression, anxiety and worry can manifest their effects in many ways, including actual physical symptoms.
Perhaps, if you can't determine a medical cause (and just to generall get you to relax and to help you work through some of your issues) you might consider some counseling?
Just a thought, but I hope everything is ok with you otherwise.
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