Just-A-Fixation (Justification)

I climb up Jacob's ladder and open up Pandora's box

I fall down the ladder and "click" goes the locks

Out comes the pain,

and the smiles drop.

Nerves shock the body,

FREEZE,

I stop in shame.

Breath, justify, conclude, and blame.

And the itzy bitzy spider went up the spout again.

"I am fixated on the past only reminscing of what was once was now is now. The past has caught up from behind me to watch as a run the race of life. To my oblige, i have support... a roaring lion and a ferocious dragon. "They" say history repeats itself. well in this case im history... and im history. call out to the lost for they will not be found but only by the hand of you. It is up to you now. goodbye and so long, so long as you say goodbye to me."

-Anonymous

Why is my past coming back to me? Why do I cause conflict? Why do i create slugs from doves?Because I am destructive. I am the attacker. I am the serpent. I am the single light in a sea of darkness. I am attractive. I could be back... but who knows? only the future

So Long part 2

ok so this part will be mostly of the accident and what happened and all that good stuff :/

so like cole told you i was most definitely in a car accident. well hit by a car. and it hurt. a lot. it was the worst pain i have ever felt in my life for the time i was concious in the hospital. it felt as if pins has been dug into my skin and i really cant explain it. i just hope none of you ever experience it and for those who have, you know what the feeling of breaking a bone(s). so i broke my left arm n leg, ribs collapsed cuz of the fall and some broken fingers. not to mention bruises and scrapes and cuts. black and blues all over. im in a wheelchair for now but should be in on crutches sometime soon. rehab is gonna b a bummer :( its gonna suck so much omg i dont wanna do it at all when the casts come off. ugh. 

so the story behind it and i really wouldnt know because i have no memory of it, but eye witnesses do, is that this impala was driving about 10 miles over the speed limit and as i was running across the street it clipped me. i supposedly went flying and fell akwardly on my arm and chest. bumped my head HARD and i was still concious but the soon after past out. some guy (thank God) called the ambulance and the rushed over to get me. went to the hospital and yea you guys know the rest from there. so now to the part thats been freaking me out for awhile. 

ok so i was in the hospital and for the most part, slept. but the dreams i had were so weird and vivid yet abstract and unreal. one was me just sittin on this patch of grass on a street (in Chicago) and cars passing and me coming close to  getting hit by the cars but then they would just go through me. it was weird. then i had another one were i was in my bed and it was dark and rainy. i never saw it fully but this monster was under my bed. i ws trying to scream but nothing was coming out. its shadow from under my bed was slowly getting bigger but i couldnt move and couldnt scream to my parents. the horror i felt and the fear was so strange but so real. since then i have my brother check my bed. im just a wimp :P this dreams will always b embedded into my head and i cant seem to get them out no matter what i dream. idk what it is. do any of you? 

that wasnt the weird thing though guys. whats been on my mind since the accident is that i no longer have feelings for guys. something during the fall caused some imbalance or something to cause me to go back to being straight. or maybe its just gonna be for a little bit and then i'll go back to being bi. idk what it is and its really scaring me actually. i dont know whats wrong and to what extint my brain is messed up. i just hope its nothing because i dont want to add to anything that i already have. or maybe its cured or it was never there. im making no sense right now. i havent really been making much sense lately at home n when my friends come over. i have to really think and reread what i type when i write emails (not to mention its hard to write with 1 hand) but for this it would take to much time to type and then edit it. sorry for the inconvience guys i just want to type this and let u guys know whats happening. so yea i dont know whats wrong with my head, and its annoying and scary. im still going to the doctor so maybe hell clear up some things. 

my next post will be the conclusion...

i will wrap up everything thats going on and just let you guys know about the rest of  everything. im so sorry to b leaving but i kinda dont think you guys would like to read boring posts that make no sense. 

o and i quick thing. WHY THE HECK IS EVERYONE LEAVING BLOGLAND? i leave for about a week and i come back to see two of my favorite bloggers leaving! (aj and k). well i guess we have old bloggers coming back too which is good. i wanna give AJ and K a shoutout because they had 2 of the most intersting blogs out there. it was fun reading what eachother had to say about eachother (during the good times) and sad to read how it was ending. you really felt as though you connected with them.  i feel bad for both of them and what they went through during the time they had together. it was something i know i lot of us wanted to have and few of us have ever felt. but what they are doing is smart and we have to respect it. i just hope they are ok. well i hope k's ok. aj is doing fine and im glad he is doing well at his sis' house. ok that wasnt quick. 

the next post will be EXTREMELY long. i mean probly the longest post you guys have ever read... not even joking. its gonna b filled with a lot so be prepared. i love all you guys who read me and its nice to have such great OL friends. you guys r the best! be prepared for the next one.  till then its a tipped hat a bow. you guys r amazing and i love you all.... pyce

-RJ-

So Long part 1

ok well this post will b short but i have to quickly say that i will not be able to post anymore... or for a while. in the next 2 posts i will explain what happened to me and why i cant do this anymore. please do not get worried. the blogworld has drastically changed since i came back but im sorry to reinforce the saying of 'bye'. its however a neccessity. i will post what needs to b said at a later time when its convenient, but till then it is a farwell. 

sorry

RJ

First Breath After a Coma

Yup the title to my post is once again the  name of a song by Explosions in the Sky. A ridiculously amazing band who is underrated and almost underground but by far the best intstrumental band of all time. I strongly suggest that all who read this go and listen to them. I would consult with Steve or Planetx_123 first to see if the good songs but here is a selection of my favorite songs by them. They play long songs but this adds to the feeling or the mood that it brings to you when you read it.  ok so here they are:

1. Time Stops

2. The Birth and Death of a Day

3. So Long, Lonesome

4. Yasmin the Light

5. Remeber Me as a Time of Day

6. 6 Days at the Bottom of the Ocean.... and last but not least (kinda is though (for the best though)lol)

7. First Breath After Coma

ok so check those songs out and comment back on which is your favorite. a good site thats free and has every song pretty much ever made is imeem.com. 

ok so about life now. i havent really been doing much which is a good indicator as to why i havent posted much. schools is of course school so you guys know how fun that is lol actually i enjoy school most of the times but this time of year when finals are hovering over, it gets tiring and intense. ok quick story that happend today:

I was sleeping in 2nd period because we were watching this REALLY boring movie about the Mayan religion called EL Popo Vuh or something like that (not 'hating' on the religion just the movie) and I didnt sleep til about 11:30 or 12 nd about 4 the previous night so i was ti-erd. ok so im half asleep, you know that feeling you get when youre asleep but you can sense the things around you and they kinda enter into your dreams and the slightest thing can wake you up, well yea thats how i was and guess what woke me up. a tennis ball to the face. my teacher had supposedly grabbed a tennis ball from his desk and spear-chucked it at me and it clocked me right in the temple. yea next thing that happened is me waking up and then 10 seconds later the bell rang. 5 other kids were sleeping too. way to be a fair teacher Mr. L lol

well tonight I went to a varsity dinner for my school and it was PACKED. I had tickets 132-135 and my friend was 190 so there was probably over 200 people stuffed in this little dining hall. it was fun though. we were joking the whole time and got called out by the district sports guy. who knew tennis was such a rowdy sport. i felt bad so i stayed quite for a majority of the night (it was hard though). anyway it was a pretty normal night except for the fact that i unexpectdly got the MVP for the team. i mean im the #1 singles but still i really didnt think id get it. the team was like "yea just start walking up for the trophy" and then id say "hold on guys you never know", but it was me so it was a happy night. my parents were very proud of me too but then my dad started talking about leadership and stepping up my game so I kinda didnt want to listen even though i did. he has good points but i just wanted to talk with my friends lol o yea also one of the guys on the team who is pretty cute sat next to me and throughout the whole night is like playing with me and im like wtf? like he was using me as a backrest and using my knee for his elbow to rest on and im just thinking, ok... i begin to brush him off and then he puts his arm around me as a joke and bean-dips me and then slaps my thigh but he was sooooo close to hitting my doodle. he knew it too and had this weird look on his face. i then have my hand on the pamphlet and he and puts his right on top pf mine and says "look were holding hands" so i say "not really" and then he grabs my hand and we hold hads for like 2 seconds till i pull away. he has a girlfriend for pete's sake. so that was a little weird just cuz all these straight (or so i think so) guys are doing things to me. I mean of course i like guys but idk theres just things going on that make it odd for me or for other guys  to be touching. 

anyway so for the name of my post to go into effect. i was really down for a while and in a very 'coma'  like state but lately i have been feeling great, dreaming again, and just loving life. yes the things in my life have been going on but by talking to people and really voicing how i feel,i have made major progress. im on cloud 9 right now and i want to thank all for listening to how i feel and what im going through and of course giving help back- so thanks. well the winner for the closer is the following... c ya later, pyce love and hugs. 

Catastrophe and The Cure

Catastrophe- everything in my life thats going on right now. Its all in calamity and its a big jumbled mess.

The Cure- someone. I've never met anyone else like him before. He's sweet, caring, funny, and just overall flawless. Everytime I talk to him everything just leaves. My life goes back to being simple- live, love, and have fun. We have so much in common its really scary. Like pretty much close to everything. He is, no doubt, the cure in my life and his name will be.... Gaelic (its the origin of his name). 

I just thought that I should give a shoutout to him in the effort of him to smile when he reads this. We have the greatest talks... like about frag movies, reagular movies, and of course my psychicness that scared me more than it scared him lol that was funny and not to mention the shower race to see who coould take the quickest shower. Sounds lame but it was most definitely fun. No need to say who the winner was though lol ok so I could ramble on about him some more but I dont know if you guys like long posts or not. 

So me and Drake went to go see Drag Me to Hell after he got back from the parade. Lets just say that he is in no way a scary movie fan and gets freaked the freak out whenever I bring him to one haha and this one didnt help at all (for him). From the first scene he turned to me and said "Great, this is going to be a popping scene movie" "I really did hear what he said because he was whispering I and said "You want some poppy seeds?" lol. He laughed and said sarcastically "Yea about 5." Dont really know what that ment lol he can be weird sometimes but its fun because I can be weird sometimes too, dont worry you guys will see it soon enough.(sidenote: I found out what he said after the movie was over) So pretty much the whole time he has his head and hands burried into my shoulder (hes only 13) and only turning back to watch it when the scary music had left (you know the music that plays and you know that a scary part is going to come because scary movies are so unpredicatable lol). Well this one was very predictable but it was nonstop too. Like at least every scene had a poppy seed,  i mean popping scene lol So I would  say that the movie was decent. not great but entertaining. bad acting at times though. Throughout the movie i was getting skittles from his lap... well not so much his lap but a little further up if you catch my drift. at the end of the bag I could sware i was feeling his doodle (ok another sidenote: doodle is a hilarious word. I dont say it in my daily vocab but for here i think its appropiate. i use penis or something else but doodle is too funny.I blame AJ cuz reading his posts made me use it. doodle. lol just say it outloud) As they say on xPlay, I give drag me to hell, a whopping... 3... out of 5. yea im a nerd and watch g4 lol ok so after the movie had ending this one guy stands up and said in a brooklyn accent "I 'ont want no mo buttens and I'm gown give ol' people respek now." (i dont live in the city but about 30 miles away so theres a good amount of city people close to me. too bad i live in the 2nd safest district in the nation. gotta do some crimes in the 1st so we can become #1 lol) The way I wrote his quote can never give it the justice it derserves for how funny that was. And pretty much unless you saw the movie you wont understand what I'm saying. Me and Drake start cracking up so loud and for about 30 minutes of straight laughing. It was soooo funny lol i guess its one of those 'have to be there' moments but I thought i'd share it anyway. So I didnt talk to Drake about that night but we did have a ton of fun at the movies. 

I also have a BIG tennis tournament this weekend. theres 99 people in the tournament (why not just 1 more person is beyond me) so it starts off in the round of 128 with 29 people getting byes to the second round automatically. and for some reason I happen to be one of the byes. dont know how that happened but someone up there must like me (headquarters that is lol) so wish me luck on Saturday so I dont have to blame you guys if I loose :). And the thing is that I havent played a tourny is about 6 months do to injury and complications with my coach so my ranking has dropped a lot a lot so thats one reason im wondering how I got a bye, but ill take it. ok so when I mean big I mean this tourny is the tourny below nationals, where all the best in our nation compete. so this one is all the best in NY, NJ, and parts of CT. I really want to do well in this badly so I can get back on top. I miss playing tournys. well i shall see the outcome when it happens. 

oo i have a new closer. instead of c ya later. pyce. i though i would write pyce love and hugs instead. ok so tell me which one you like better

c ya latuh, pyce.

or c ya later, pyce love and hugs. 

drop me a comment to voice which one you like better. (for now ill just end with) adios compadres lol

Matrix Rampage/ Sleepover

Ok so I put up a game at the bottom of my page. I am a BIG Matrix fan for many reasons and I thought it would be fun to play a game on someones page. Please let me know if you like it or not. 

So now for the story. I went over to my teen (youth) leader for my church because we were having a make your own pizza night. I was of course sick so I didnt get to make any pizza but did drink a lot of coke. I must confess that I am a cock I mean coke-aholic :) Thats the first step to recovery, right? Anyway, I was just hanging out with my friends and their parents and one of my friends from the tennis team (yes, I play tennis) decided to come. Lets call him M. He is jewish and and went to a Christian party thing so it was unexpected but he is kinda hot and waaaaay to crazy for me. So yea I am most certainly sure he is either gay or bi because of what happened during the tennis season. ok time for a mini story:

so almost every practice me and him would just sit on the bench and chill/talk about different things. And whenever we would finish talking he would stand up with a massive erection. omg he might be short but he is big. So i would always check it out but most of the time he wouldnt notice I could see it or he would try and find a way to hide it himself. and also whenever we would play I could always see him with a big one and he would be adjusting it. Maybe he is turned on by tennis lol aand not to mention he would always give me random hugs, but this was only when we were alone. Whenever the team was around he would completely change and talk about girls or something like that. stupid peer pressure.  so yea nothing beyond hugging and me staring at his doodle happened. and the occasional head on my shoulder whenever we went on the bus for away games. But im pretty sure my whole team is gay lol they all would hit on me. I got butt-slapped, felt up, and party-boyed constantly. And I was the most straight acting one on the team lol I also felt this one guys doodle by accident because we had fallen and my hand went right on it. It was so squishy lol too bad i also crushed his balls and he was on the floor dying for about 10 minutes lol good times. alright back to the original post.

So yea M came over to the party and it was really fun. I just talked to different people and then we had a devo (devotional) where we talk about things in the bible and relate it to our lives and the last question my teen leader asked was what is something you have been persistent in during your prayers (the theme of that devo was persistence) and I raised my hand and shared about my uncle and his condition and how ive been praying for him nonstop. many of them already knew about it but it was still very hard to talk about. while i was sharing about it I got this big lump in my throat and felt that I was gonna cry so I stopped what I was saying because well idk really. I am very insecure sometimes. so I stopped and after the devo was over I went and talked to one of the most wise men Ive met. He helped me out so much and I thank him for that. 

After we talked we watched the Lakers-Nuggets game (wasnt much of a game) and just hung out. It boiled down to me, M, Kellen (from earlier posts. he is now in a sling for 6 weeks after shoulder surgery. Hes now dubbed "the cripple" lol), my teen leader (it was at his house), Chad (from earlier posts too), Josiah (this kid can crack you up so quickly cuz of how witty yet dumb he is lol), and my friend Drake. We watched the game and ate ice-cream (its good for a sore throat) and were just laughing. I love my friends. After Kellen, Chad, and M left it was only me, Josiah, and Drake. We then switched it to playing Street Fighter 4 for the PS3. Just to put it out there, I SUCK at that game lol I can rock anyone at Tekken or the other ones but not Sreet Fighter 4. Stupid Ryu lol So Drake called his dad and asked if I could sleep over. He said yes and we left at about midnight. 

I went over to his house and we played a really old game called NBA Baller. During the loading screen they always show a player and this time they showed Chris Paul. Out of nowhere he says "thats a good looking guy." I say "Yeah he has a good smile." And then he says "Yeah he has nice eyes." In my head im thinking WTF are you saying Drake? I thought you were straight? Why would you say that? so then I replied with "Yup, hes a looker."  I was horrible at the beginning losing 11-4 or 11-6 but by the end of the night I had finally beat him! I found a way to make only 3 pointers and just dimolished him lol he wanted a rematch but I said no because I was tired and I wanted to bask in the gloriousness of a victory. Ok so now its bedtime. 

He only has one bed in his room so we share it. Its a queen size so we can both sleep comfortably. Or atleast I thought so. I wake up in the middle of the night with his butt pressed against my doodle and I just stay there. I manage to fall back asleep and when I wake up about an hour later his hand is on my doodle too. My hearts racing but i feel so calm. I gently move my arm over his body so it looked as though we were cuddling. Then I hear him wake up and he said "RJ what are you doing?" I was too scared to say anything so I just stay there in silence. He said hello again and pushed my hand back over, slid to the other side of the bed and fell back asleep. Mind you he was in only his boxers and I was in boxers and a t-shirt. Im so used to sleeping with him that I though nothing of it till now. Hes one of my best friends and is more like a younger brother to me. Hes 13. So i never thought of doing anything with him. I mean yea hes verrry attractive but I just always saw him as my brother. Maybe my brothers gay lol 

When I woke up he had already left his house because he had to do a parade. His mom dropped me off at my house on her way over there. I said I had to complete my homework but really Im here typing this. I will see him later today because were going to go see a movie. Me, him, and Chad. I'll see if I want to talk to him about it. Wish me luck and I'll c ya latuh. pyce

DANG THIS WAS A LONG POST. HOPE YOU ENJOY IT THOUGH :)

A Quickie McQuickerstein

This is just a quick post of two videos that I think are really funny if youre into movies (as I am a movie buff). The links are here for the curious case of forrest gump and here for star trek vs. star wars.  hope you enjoy :)

btw, I am completely sick with a sore throat, massive headache, and upset tummy :( 

I'm gonna go back to sleep after I post this. horray for pepto dissmal and advenol and of course excrutiatingly hot iced tea. thanks guys for all the help :P (dont know if anyone is gonna get that... I really dont even get that lol) the glorious deeds of meds

Return of Me Part 3

A third and still just as personal event that has been happening is the area of... my brain. I dont know why I am really telling anyone this when all the people who know are immediate family members and a few, select, friends. Ok so its messed the *@!^ up, so much. Im not sure if its from the  smoking I used to do (I quick about a year ago cuz of how stupid it is) or if its just because, but its messed up big time. 

So here's why. I have all the symptoms of a brain tumor, but no tumor. My nuerologist doesnt know whats wrong and hes one of the smartest people Ive met. Because of my brain I became dysfunctional at times. I cant concentrate druring scholl and socially I have become more awkward. I have develpoed a slight stutter, a lisp (both sporadically so not too often) and whenever I hear someone with a speech impediment I begin to pick it up too for however long i spend time with them. It can be funny at times though but ill tell you that story later. So this causes me to almost never want to speak and when I do want to it doesnt come out how I want it to. I went from class clown to the quite, wierd, n sometimes funny kid. I still have all my friends (popularity sucks btw) but I just cant talk to them as well as I used to. And its not that I dont want to its just that I have nothing to say... ever. But on aim or email its different. Idk why though. My mind goes blank when its just me and someone wlse. I wish I could be more normal again. All the things in my brain have happened over the past year.

Ok quick story before I move on. So one of my friends moved up here from Texas and he pronounces all of his "s's" as "sh's". Like "promish, or cryshtal" lol its the funniest thing and I would always joke about it with him and mimic him until one day I said "Can I have shome of that." I thought to myself... o crap, you did not just say that lol. And every one in a while I say words with sh's but I get a good laugh out of it lol I wonder if I moved to another country would it b easy for me to pick up there accents because I am really good at doing accents. alrighty back to venting lol

The fourth one is just focused on my brother, J. He is a very talented, smart, and funny kid (or man, he just turned 18). I look up to him on  lot of things and give him respect for what he can do. He once made my whole school die in laughter by improving at out school talent show. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen lol He is very well known and people look for him to get a good laugh. But thats not the brother I see at home and Im worried for him. At home he just roams the house and plays his guitar. He almost never talks to any of us (my family) anymore and looks as if hes in chronic depression. 

Just last week my mom and him were watching tv and all of a sudden he starts crying. My mom asked him what was going on in his life and tried helping him but he didnt tell her anything about it. After she picked me up from church, she started crying and told me the whole story followed by a "Can you talk to your brother because he wont tell me why hes been so down... please." I felt so bad I had the urge to cry and then mopped around my house because I just didnt want another thing on my plate. I wish life was as simple as when we were young. No responsibility and your actions are not taken heavily, life is almost care free and a breath of fresh air. Too bad reality is real. Too bad lifes a rollercoaster. 

O n as im typing this I have a realllllly sore throat *cough cough* so *cough* I may not be *cough* posting for a *cought* bit. It reallllllllly hurts a lot, like a lot a lot. k well ill c ya latuh. pyce

Return of Me Part 2

Ok so the next reason I havent been on lately is just as personal as the first. I have been noticing so many people dying around me and it scares me. I want to live a full life but I have had this feeling that I am going to die early in some tragic way ever since I can remember. technically all death is tragic though. Anyway, all the deaths that Ive been seeing have truly affected me and gotten me thinking so much about life and how important it is. Its got me to the point were I really feel the need to be the perfect friend and son, brother and overall person because I get one shot at each. I know this is unreasonable but emotions are emotions. And the emotions I have towards me dying early only scare me more. The sad thing is that almost all the people who have died lately have died from cancer. I CANNOT STAND THAT WORD! It makes me so sad to hear when people are diagnosed with cancer and I cant help them. I think to myself if I will ever get it and if thats the way Im gonna go. I never want to die painfully but I fell like thats how its going to end up being. Im just glad I have the friends that would support me and ecourage me if that was to happen. Im just not sure if theyd do the same if I came out. Does that make them true friends? I guess only putting it into practice will tell. 

So one of the people that I have been most affected by who has cancer is my uncle. He was just recently diagnosed with Stage 4  cancer. He feels fine now and his body is staying minorly strong but I know that once the cancer gets stronger he wont have much time. I just wish I couldve spent more time with him. Hes the one who taught me how to fight and be strong no matter what. He is one of the strongest people I know. I will forever look up to him and I will always love him. I just hope I can visit him before it gets worse. Another person I am affected by who has cancer is the blogger AJ. I began reading his blog by about the 5th post and I have been obssessed ever since. He seems like such a fun guy and Im glad he got to meet K. K seems amazing too. They are great bloggers and tell their life stories in such a great way that I will always have a place for them in my heart. However, AJ getting diagnosed with cancer has shocked me and has caused me to really cherrish life and I want to thank him for that - so thank you so much AJ. 

Yea I kinda reread this post Im definitely odd lol Im so freakin paranoid at times but il let you know why in the next post. c ya till then... dun dun dun

Return of Me Part 1

Ok so I havent posted in a while so this is why. Not like I have many followers anyways but I just have to get this stuff off my chest. I will be posting this in three parts. Part 1 is this. I have so many things going on in my life right now. I want to first start off by saying that I should be grateful for everything that has been given to me and all that I'm blessed with but honestly its hard to see it that way. I've been living a life so two-faced and deciectful that I should be disgusted, but Im not. And I wish I did but at times I just dont have a heart. So why have I been so two-faced? I am supposed to be a Christian and live a life of truth but I have been ignoring the truth to who I really am. I may come off as straight but I am bi. This is something that no one knows of except one of my friends and the only reason she knows was because I told her after she came out of the closet to me. I was so afraid to come out even on the net and thats where I can be whoever I want. So why haven't I came out? Because Im afraid that people will judge me or my relationships with friends wil change dramatically. People arent always as accepting as we want them to be. Thats whu I try to be as open-minded as possible. Living a life as someone youre not can be so discouraging and such a burden that it will eventually lead to something severe happening in the long run. Let it be a stress induced body pain, or a type of depression, or going mentally ill, to suicide.

Life can suck sometimes but we only get one shot so why waste it? I think people hear this a lot and it just becomes sort of cliche and just gets blown over but if you really start to think about it, hard, it can be very deep. A good way to live your life is to treat people as if today was there last and live your life as if it was your last day too. This is something I am trying to work on.

So yes I am bi but I just cant seem to find the strength to come out. Its mainly because Im content with  the way the social part of my life is and this would completely tear it all up. wow im insecure lol. So say I did come out to my parents... they would probably be shocked then confused then theyd talk about it with eachother before bringing me in to probably have a LONG discussion. My parents (especially my dad) are very professional about things. And for me to come out would allow them to have a lot of Q&A's lined up. Now I dont have the best connection to my parents because I keep things bottled up (thats what being shy does to you). I would love to tell them but I will have to wait for the right time. I hate having to keep all of this in me but I need more time and confidence. Boy do I wish life was easier. It would be so much better if I was straight, but Im not so I have to deal with who I really am. 

I quickly want to add that I am also returning because Ive been watching how many people are leaving the blogging world and I felt kinda in the dumps so I decided to jump into the game. I am in no way trying to take any of their places because I am waaay less of a blogger than they are. They are amazing at what they do. But I simply wanted to give people something to read while they asses themselves and take that sabbatical. well i'll c ya latuh. pyce

New Blog

I am writing a more spiritual blog so for those who are intersted in my mind spiritually than check it out. Its called Deep Convictions. Its mainly my journal typed out with me adding things but hopefully someone likes it or benefits! adios n ill see yall latuh. pyce

o by the way. im feeling much better. just needed some help from my friends (old and young) so THANKYOU for helping me out! im ba-ack!

Emotionally Drained

Sorry for the people that have emailed me and I haven't gotten back to you yet. I want to but lately I've been feeling really down and I don't know why. I've just been moping around my house watching tv and when I do hang out with my friends I was really lamo and boring and just out of it. It might have to do with my condition (don't know if I want to say it out loud just yet but if you want to know than you can email me or something) Maybe its because the breaks almost over or because I'm just tired all the time now because of practice and school work. I don't know but it's horrible and I want it to end. I want to be the fun and outgoing R.J. not the boring and introverted R.J. 

ugh hope its ends  soon. :(

Muzik

ok so this is a collection of my favorite artists in each genre and my favorite song of each. this was harder than i thought it would be. hope you enjoy :)

Rock (as a whole)

- *Arcade Fire: Wake Up*

- Citizen Cope: Let The Drummer Kick

- Explosions in the Sky:  So Long, Lonesome

- Iron & Wine: Upward Over the Mountain

- Led Zeppelin: Kashmir

- Stereophonics: Mr. Writer

- Young Love: Close Your Eyes

- John Mayer: Clarity

Electronic

- *Amon Tobin: Untitled*

- Daft Punk: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

- Kid Koala: Moon River

- Gorillaz: El Manana

Hip-Hop/ Rap

- Kanye West: We Major

- Ludacris: Growing Pains

- *Lupe Fiasco: Fighters*

- Talib Kweli: Lonely People

- Black Star: K.O.S. Determination

R&B

- Anthony Hamilton: Pass Me Over

- *John Legend: Ordinary People*

*- means that you have to check out that song or artist/group. if you dont then a little girl with no face and cold murky skin will haunt your house for 30 days. after this she will begin to torment you until you leave your house... either by choice or by insanity. just playing lol

Quotes Pt. 1

these are just a few of my quotes. hope you enjoy!

"To have pre-notions from others about who and what we are is inevitable, yet scrutinizing and victimizing. But those who are good in thought are those who see good. Opposition will occur. How wil you handle it, justly or unjustly?"

"The absence of science is miracles. The absence of miralces is science. They are always present. Therefore, is science plosible without its nemisis, miralces?They are not contradicting, but complimenting eachother."

"If an athiest can believe in bad company corrupting good character, and all the horrible atrocities in the world then how are they to judge evil or good? Where are their moral standards coming from- thin air?" (dont take this one personally)

"A man cannot be judged in his epistemology by his vernacular. An articulate man is only one who reads books, mostly the dictionary and thesaurus."

"Many believe that seeing is believing. I believe in the exact opposite."

"Who knew that science would turn so many from God. It's uncanny how the first scientist were all believers in God. Let science go back to its old ways- non-biased and non-judgemental, only empirical evidence from the facts."

"Theories are theories and facts are facts. The grey inbetween is invisible."

Chips-n-Fiascos Pt. 1

chip: a small usually thin and flat piece (as of wood or stone) cut, struck, or flaked off 

fiasco: is an absolute, abject or utterly humiliating failure

so why did i choose chips and fiascos as my name? well let me give you story. so one day i was having a great day to start off with. i got on my bike in a cool spring day and rode to school. on my way i found a twenty dollar bill and like the good boy i am, picked it up and stuffed it in my pocket. continuing on, i had to ride up this steeeep hill but once you get up it youre at my school. i chugged n chugged up the hill until i finally made it up. phew. i was done. i parked my bike in the slots and walked into the halls and began my walk up the stairs to my select group of friends. feeling good about the day i was stunned to be grabbed and squeezed by one of my best friends Alicia. she gave me a bag of chips and said "hey youre fat." (im not fat by the way. very athletic) true love. i then walked up another flight of stairs until i was met by my other friend Cody who threw a Lupe Fiasco cd at me and it clocked me in my forehead. he then said "hey youre useless." thats what best friends are for. and thus i went home and began blogging and in search of a name i remembered my two friends Alicia and Cody and named the blog after their comments. grrreat story.

yea so thats fake. 

i like chips (potato chips and french fries) and i like Lupe Fiasco. it was gonna be chaos-n-fiascos but chips-n-fiascos flowed better. so yea thats the great story i had for you. this post stunk by the way lol maybe ill redo it in the latter days

see yall latuh. pyce

Salsa n Swinging over the TZ bridge

I had the date! haha it was tons of fun. but before the date even happened we were just chillin at my rides house (lets call him Kellen). so im watching spongebob with his sister and my friend (lets call him Chad) who we were trippling with and my date (lets call her Maddy) until my ride  got done talking to his dad (dun dun dun lol) but then he came down so we all went into the car to head over to westchester. I got shotgun! haha so on the way over we were bumping iron & wine (great band!) and jason mraz n other people like that. it was great. we also played the alphabet game. its were you look at signs trying to find words beginning with that letters from a-z. (verrrry fun at times lol) i ehem won ehem ehem lol but it was all in good fun

so we head over the Tappan Zee bridge and got to Kellen's gf's house (lets call her Melina) and her and Chad's date (lets call her Kate) were watching the deleted scenes of Slumdog (again very good movie) so we turned that off lol and started watching tv and then the girls went intot the kitchen to 'talk' and when they came back they had a box of cookies and brownies and a specific card for each of us. it was sweet. me n my date have a lot of inside jokes so she quoted me n then said what she liked about me n then ended it with a scripture. its something i'll def have for a while. so after that we teamed up with out dates and played a game of scategories! me n my date did ok but didnt win. maybe next time! so then we had to go to the dance studio to learn some new dance moves! lol

so on our way guys went in one car n girls in the other. we bumped more iron & wine. for those who listen to them know the irony in that sentnce lol we got to the studio and saw all these old (40+) people dancing like they came out of the womb doing the chacha lol it felt like that scene in take the lead were they see all those great dancers lol so we wait for 5 minutes and then begin

so we start off with the salsa and we learn the step pretty well. got some good tips from our instructor. me n maddy were a pretty good pair i must say lol we had good chemistry. alright so ofcourse i get chosen to be a participant for a demonstration. not a good idea lol so i didnt break my legs but i banged my knees up. so the instructor is infront of me and grabs my hands and tells me to stay still. so he starts to moves back and i keep my feet planted firm... and fall straight on the floor lol.... turns out he wanted me to step when it felt right so he could show balance. nice job picking me lol

so after the salsa we did the swing. thats too complicated lol i got it at the end but it took a while. boy is dancing more fun than i thought. def going back sometime in the future n i encourage all who read to take a partner n take some classes! 

sorry this blog was long but i had a fun day. in the next post i shall explain why i chose chips-n-fiascos as my name. ooo how intersting lol. well ill see yall latuh. pyce. 

Its a Date

so i have a date in about 2 hours n im very excited. were going to take some dance lessons (not my choice lol) but should be fun. ill inform you on what happens when i get back. wish me luck but dont say break a leg cuz i just might haha that or roll an ankle. anyway gotta get ready. ill see yall latuh. pyce

Happy Easter

just dropping by for a quick second to say Happy Easter! lots of people dont really know what Easter is so i thought id be an enlightner. Easter is the ressurection of Jesus Christ after he died on the cross. and what makes that so crazy is that many times when people die, they die. and for the few that come back to life after near death experiences, well they have to die again lol but Jesus died and was raised but never died after that. he was brought back into heaven. why do so many people only choose to go to church on Easter is beyond me cuz there are 51 other weeks in the year lol (but it does show how important this time is to people) but i challenge all who read this to go to church as much as possible (especially if they teach the bible like its suppose to be, but that debate is for another time)

i might loose some of the .3 fans that i have now lol but this is a blog and on a blog you express yourself. it shouldnt matter what religion we are or race or gender or anything cuz were all here for the same purpose. to blog. and if you dont like my style or thinking than thats perfectly fine cuz im sure someone else has the style you want. and if you do than thats cool too. ugh i went off on another tangent haha well ill see yall latuh. pyce

Ultimate Ping Pong

went to the city yesterday... again. ive almost never been into the city this many times in one week before. well we ended up no seeing dragonball or hannah but saw duplicity instead (thank God haha). that movie was confusing. they kept on going back in time and than back to the present. brain teaser lol but the city was fun. my fam showed the other fam time square and we walked on broadway n it was very cool. went to B.Smiths for dinner and that place was alright. apparently shes famous... but ive never herd of her lol

so now im gonna go back in time to like 6-7 hours before all this. me and the kid thats staying over decided to 'prank' my brother. that failed. myserably. lol but it was fun. so you have my bro playing his drums super loud in the basement so the kid thought we should gather all the ping pong balls and through them at him (the kid is 12 so bare with his imagination lol) so we try and exacute the operation and my brother spots us immediately so we just throw all the balls at him and somehow he dodges all of them or blocks them with his sticks. my brother has crazy skilz by the way. so were wondering what happened and hes just wondering why that happened lol im surprised he didnt chuck his sticks at us and then try and rape us haha jp he wouldnt do that... i hope. and then we had to go to the city soon after. 

so now im gonna go back 2 hours before that. just call this time frame 'ultimate ping pong'. me n the kid were playing regular ping pong but he isnt that good (he said it not me) so then i decided to change up the rules and play ultimate ping pong. you know where everything is part of the table. so we were crushing balls off the wall til i slammed it on his face. then it became war. we were flinging balls at eachother left and right (and my brother started playing a drum beat to our battle haha) until i pegged him square in the eye and we called it 'truce'. yea right i just felt pity for him lol. the fight wasnt fare to begin with but it was fun. and thats when he decided we should take the balls and throw them at my brother. 

well gotta go the church!! happy easter to all and to all, yea. see yall latuh. pyce

Medical Mysteries

dropping the guests off at the city to go see wicked (that play was wicked haha). my fams already seen it so were going to go see a movie right by the theatre. probly go see dragonball evolution (which looks like pooh on a stick) but just spending time with fam is good. that show used to be my favorite when i was little. the movie is an insult and ive been waiting for a dragonball movie since i saw the show. ugh movies sure can dissapoint easily. well it was between that or hannah montana (which reminds me of throwup on someones face). yea i know you like my depictions lol 

its the beginning of spring break and nothing exciting is happening... yet. waiting for my friends to get back from cape cod and then well hang out. hah one of them, greg,  is the craziest kid i know. so one day he said that his hand had been hurting a little bit after he fell out of a tree. i said it was probly broken but he said no and brushed it off. 2 weeks later his mom takes him to the doctor and after the x-rays come back the doc says "so when'd you break your hand?" he says "i didnt break my hand" (his pinky nuckel was pushed down to the middle of his hand)  not to say that i told him so, but i did. lol hes fine now. just a soft cast and me saying i told him so for awhile lol

i think i did something to my wrist while we were wrestling at his house cuz now everytime i move it it makes a clicking sound. not good lol. im injury prone so most sports arent good for me. ill just stick to tennis, soccer, and basketball. i usually get injured after every practice.im seriously not even exaggerating. it heals the next day but its still just annoying. i should be considered a medical mystery lol theres so many things wrong with me that i cant say (nothing gross for all you pervs haha) 

if i actually have any readers please post atleast a comment (just a word with be ok lol) i want to know if im getting anywhere or if i should stop in my tracks. well anyway see yall latuh. pyce

First is the Worst

umm so yea im kinda starting my blog over again. dont know what really to write about on the first one. i have some guests over from miami (where i was born) so just hanging out with them n stuff. went into the city yesterday for my dads special NYC tour. it was fun. we went to little italy and china town and all around the city, not that i havent seen it all before lol. its cool though. im kinda starting this blog because Josh from alwayshard made me lol 

ahhh i saw slumdog millionaire yesterday. that movie was ridiculous! def shouldve won all those awards at the oscars. yea so im not really sure where im gonna take this blog so for the next couple of days ill just be expirementing. first blogs always kinda bad n boring, right? well anyways see yall latuh. pyce